2 Key Factors That Impact Your Parenting Style
by Deanna Mascle
Being a parents is the toughest job you'll ever love!
I know that I love being a Mom but I also know how tough it is. I am comforted in
knowing that I'm not the only one challenged by this role (certainly every parent
I've ever talked to has questions and concerns) and I'm always seeking more information
to help me be a better parent.
One concept that really helped me define my own parenting style involves identifying
the two key factors that impact parenting style -- these are simply the level of
control and the level of warmth involved in your relationship with your child.
Control refers simply to how much power you exercise over your child's behavior.
Do you have strict rules that your child is expected to obey? How do you respond
to disobedience?
Warmth does not mean the intensity of your love for your child but rather how it
is demonstrated. Do you frequently (at several points during the day) show your
love to your child through kisses and cuddles, time spent in a joint activity, and
words of love and praise?
Your parenting style is then reflected by combining these two factors together to
form one of four parenting types:
~ High Control - High Warmth
~ Low Control - High Warmth
~ High Control - Low Warmth
~ Low Control - Low Warmth
Obviously this is oversimplified as parents don't fall 100 percent into any category
and certainly circumstances and events alter how a parent reacts.
For example, I would consider my husband and I both high control but there is certainly
a variation in the level of control we exert. Also, where we are and what we are
doing impacts the level of control that I exert. I have a certain expectation of
behavior at church, for example, and am a little less rigid when visiting friends.
At home, if I have work to do then I am pretty strict about behavior but when it
is play time then I relax the rules a bit.
Similarly, I would rate both my husband and I as high warmth but we demonstrate
that warmth very differently. I often kiss and cuddle our son as well as express
my love verbally through loving words and appreciation. My husband does kiss and
cuddle, but on a much more restricted basis; however they will spend time playing
together just the two of them every day and they have several little rituals that
reinforce their strong bond.
Taking a look at these two key factors and applying them to your relationship with
your child can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses as a parent which
can then in turn help you identify what needs to be improved. After all, as a parent
your end goal is to raise a happy, healthy, successful child and to reach that goal
you need to be the best parent you can be.
About the Author
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